The Joys and Woes of Dating Married Men

The Opening
Yes, I can see some single women rolling their eyes and wondering why anyone would even contemplate dating a married man. Yes, I can also see married women widening their eyes in astonishment and hoping their own husbands are not the ones being mentioned herein. I can also see the divorcees feeling embittered at this title.

The Reasons
For me, it was a stint of the past, many years ago when I was still young. Many people are still doing it now, and not all of them are sweet, young things waiting for pampering of older, more caring gentlemen, mind you. There are a number of high-flying ladies whom I know are also seeing married men. Why?

A friend, Violet*, who is single, model-pretty and holds a well-paid career, shares, "The married men I date are mostly wealthy and in high positions. It is a no-strings attached relationship in which we enjoy each other's company but do not expect any form of commitment. I do not wish to be tied down in a relationship because I enjoy my freedom and travelling; I do not yearn for kids, so a full-time boyfriend with the emotional baggage is a no-no."

Another interviewed friend, Amber*, has a different view though. "It is love. I know I was in love with Tom when we started working together. So we just got together; it was a very natural thing..." Amber, by the way, is newly-single, attractive and holds a managerial position as well.

Well, yee-essss, married men can be rather attractive in a number of ways. For one, they are more mature (hopefully) and sensitive towards a woman's feeling, having first-hand experience dealing with their wives on a daily basis. This in turn makes them more caring, too. They dote on their lovers, and lavish them with expensive gifts and vacations.

For the modern women with no desire to settle down or cannot seem to find a suitable mate, the married men provide the best form of companionship. They get to keep their freedom, yet whenever they need a companion, these men are more than willing to spend some time together.

The Downsides
"Though, it can get pretty lonely at times," Amber* confesses as an afterthought. "You see, he would spend his New Year, Christmas and even Valentines' Days with his wife. So for these festivals, I would have to find my own programs or just go overseas to avoid being questioned by relatives or friends."

Yes, lone is one factor; it is especially easy to feel unloved and wistful during festive occasions. The other pertinent factor would be the questioning by relatives or friends, on "Why are you still single?" or "Oh, your boyfriend cannot attend again?"

"I agree," Violet* concurs when I present to her Amber's* view. "It does feel a little out of place when I attend, say, wedding dinners, baby showers or housewarming alone, so sometimes I will just bring along a date or suitor to 'fill in the gap'." She chuckles light-heartedly.

Other than these societal issues, the ladies dating married partners also have to be strong and independent, as they know that their lovers would not always be around when they are needed. Even when one falls sick or feels depressed, they would have to take care of themselves and rely on their other friends or hobbies to make them feel better.

Amber* adds,"Sometimes I do feel wistful / jealous when I see his Instagram and Facebook photos, taken with his family and they look so happy together... it's hard." She swallows.

One also has to be mentally and emotionally prepared that they may only get to see their married lovers at odd timing, since the men may make use of lunch or office hours to rendezvous so they could still report home in time for dinner, in order not to arouse suspicions. One will always have to feel like the "spare tire" at the beck and call of these men at their times of convenient. One could feel inbalanced easily.

It is no easy feat, for sure, but it is a decision by choice.

The Tips
Hence, here are some tips for the women dating married men or are about to date married men:-

(i) Hold your Trust at bay. Do Not believe when they say "I love you" or "I will  leave my wife for you one day." It will never happen - you only watch movies or read about it in magazines.
(ii) Keep plenty of friends and suitors around. Your married lover will not be there when you are down, or lonely, or need a companion for social events / festivities.
(iii) Do not involve emotions. Yes, you may be very attracted to them, but be ready to leave anytime. They will end it eventually, when it starts to take a toll on their own marriage or family life. You should treat it as a fling, lust, or just company. Involving emotions would only leave you wounds; he would just happily go back to his spouse, no biggie.
(iv) Ask for gifts. Yes, they have their families. They need to keep you happy. They will get you gifts to keep you around.
(v) Do not text or call them at odd hours or weekends, lest their spouses question. The moment they feel you are too emotionally-dependent on them, they will drop you like a bowl of hot soup for fear that you will be trouble.
(vi) Do not announce to the world who you are seeing, even if they are someone important. The world is small; someone may know him or his spouse. Either that, or he will still drop you once he realizes you have been tossing his name around in every other conversation. Keep it very low profile.
(vii) Do not ever get pregnant - unless you are prepared to be a single mom or another suitor is willing to take care of the child. He will still not leave his wife or family for this illegitimate child.
(viii) Last but not least, Do Not cry for them - it is not worth your tears.


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