Rupophobic Rantings

Overview
The definition of "Rupophobia" means the uncontrollable and overwhelming fear of dirt, filfth and trash, usually an abnormal fear of it. I am a rupophobic. I knew it since young, and it got worse after a while. I believe it is somewhat regulated now, thankfully.

Starting Symptoms
They might have been warning signs since high school. I could not eat anything in the high school's cafeteria or cafes outside. I felt nauseous just imagining the cockery and utensils being used by other diners before, and not being washed or cleaned properly. I was fine using paper plates and plastic forks, though, so if I had to eat outside I told them to give me "takeaways".

Strangely, the same fear did not apply to restaurants unless there were actual stains on the cockery or utensils I was using.

Also, while the others happily left their bags on the floors, I would not. To me, the floors were dirty - people spat on them (did they?), people probably stepped on urine in the restrooms and walked about in the same shoes all across the grounds, etc. To leave my bags on the floor, the fabric would be stained with the filfth and germs / bacteria that came together with the dirt.

The Worsening
Yes, the symptoms began to get worse. I would not leave my bags on the floors earlier on, right? Now, I could not even leave them on tabletops in restaurants or cafes. I'd seen really dirty tabletops where pigeons defecated onto them, or people tossed their chicken bones onto the tabletops. Yes, the waiters probably wiped the tables, but to me it wasn't enough. I didn't think they would use sterilizers; hence the filfth and germs would still be intact. I did not want my properties, such as bags, books, laptops, mobile phones etc to be dirtied.

Next, the restrooms. First, I needed to use tissue or toilet paper to open and close the latches of my restroom cubicles. I would not touch the latches with my bare hands - for fear of touching someone else's urine or faeces. Then for toilet seats, I would first need to wipe them with toilet roll; followed by placing layers of toilet roll atop it before I would sit down. Oh, by the way, when I first enter the cubicle, I would also automatically discard the first two squares of toilet roll - because the previous user probably touched it in the midst of tearing the toilet roll.

When I washed my hands at the sinks, I would dispense liquid soap to wash the faucet / tap levers as well. It was an evil necessity, because the previous users probably touched it with their bare hands - the same hands that might have touched their own faeces / urine? After washing my hands, I would use tissue or toilet roll to open the doorknobs when I was leaving the restrooms.

At home, I needed to wash up after completing the "big businesses". Even for "small businesses", I would wash my bare limbs before bed. If not, they might be dirtied by the germs or unclean air in the toilet? Well, to be fair, it was a definite necessity since I usually moisturized my skin before bed, and hence my skin needed to be clean. So, well, that is rational, no? People who did not bother to wash their hands after using the loos, they drove me insane.

Similarly for shoes. I would not touch my shoes with my bare fingers. Some women could keep pairs of shoes lying around, then use their hands to remove the shoes from racks or shoeboxes, wear the shoes and walk around their homes. No way would I do that. The grounds are dirty, very dirty - animals peed and pooed on the grounds, old men spat on them, people stepped on urine in the restrooms and walked around, people stepped on piles of rotten trash and walked around, etc. So our shoes absorb the most of the filfth on the grounds. Who in the right mind would touch their shoes and then not wash or sterilize their own hands? If I had to tie shoelaces or shoe buckles, I would immediately clean my hands with anti-bacteria wet tissues or hand sanitizers.

For the same reasons, I would not touch my pants cuff if I wore pants. I washed my feet immediately upon reaching home. I would not sleep on my bed or sit on my couches because of the dirt that probably got stuck to my clothes when I was outdoors. If I dropped something onto the grounds, I would immediately wash them or sanitize them. If I needed to pack footwear into luggages, I ensured that my footwear were placed in very thick burlap sacks or wrapped with 3 layers of plastic bags, so they would not dirty my clean clothes. 

Now, let's talk about elevator buttons? No way would I touch them with my bare fingers. I would press them with the tips of umbrellas (if I had one with me at the point in time; and thereafter I would wash the umbrella upon getting home) or use tissue paper. Hell, I wouldnt know what the others touched before they jabbed at the elevator buttons. Now, does the above sound somewhat extreme?

Regulated Rupophobia
I thought they sounded rather extreme. I wondered if I should seek professional help. But, after talking to my friend, Hilary*, it appeared her mother's and aunt's cases were even more extreme than mine. They would not touch elevator buttons in hospitals at all; if no one pressed their level, they would simply ride up and down till someone eventually headed to the same floor they were supposed to go to. Whenever they were overseas, they would spend 2 hours cleaning the hotel furniture and doorknobs with warm soap water (and they usually stayed in 5-star hotels!), and they slept with socks and gloves on just so their bare skins would not come into contact with the hotel sheets.

After hearing this, I felt somewhat comforted, that my condition seemed mild? But anyway, as the years went by, my fears are under control now.

Yes, I still sanitize or wash my hands after touching certain things I deem dirty (most of them as mentioned above), including coins and shaking hands of people who coughed into their palms earlier on. I still use tissue or toilet paper to open and close toilet door latches, press elevator buttons, press bells on buses etc, but at least I bring sanitizers out so it makes things easier now. I still do cleanse things that dropped onto the floor, and would not touch my shoes or pant-cuffs without cleaning my hands afterwards; I still wash the faucet / tap levers , I still wash up after using the restrooms at home.

But, the frequencies have reduced significantly. While I would never, ever rest my arms or elbows on tabletops in cafes / restaurants in the past, I do now - well, the arm or shoulder that I do not carry my shoulder tote bags with. I no longer feel nauseous dining outdoors, though I still wipe the utensils with paper napkins before using them. I know it is a disease, but I also understand the fear is no longer as overwhelming. I no longer clean my hand after touching cab door handles or hold Karaoke microphones with paper napkins.

The condition is slowly improving, and I am slowly learning to overcome my fear of dirt and filfth, learning to distance / remote myself from fearing that most objects outside are dirty, germ-infested. I hope that someday I can totally overcome it.