To Forgiveness

Overview

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” 
― Mark Twain

What is Forgiveness? To let go of pain / harm done to oneself and not blame the perpetrator? To give the wrongdoer a chance and stop hating them for the hurt inflicted? To let go off the need for vengeance and release negative feelings of bitterness and resentment of a past act that caused agony, loss or damages? 


History of my non-forgiveness
In the past, I never knew this word. Or rather, I never knew its meaning. To me, every hurtful act must be repaid in full; like a debt. When someone hurt me or caused me to suffer losses deliberately, this person must be taught a lesson. 

To forgive was too easy on the offender. While I was left in the dust, suffering from the pain inflicted, how could that harm-bringer just get away scot-free and continue to enjoy their lives? No way, they had to be taught a lesson, and who better than me to do it? To let them suffer as I had suffer; to exact revenge.

Needless to say, I was creative and meticulous in my acts that most times, I got away. I was resourceful in my own ways, too, and soon it became a mission. I even took the trouble to plot and implement paybacks for friends whose partners hurt them, or who met conmen who sold them gibberish etc. It had even been fun, and the temporary joy I derived made me feel somewhat powerful.

I have broken up staunch friendships, broken people down emotionally; I have removed people from their jobs before, and instilled fear in others. The details shall not be revealed now or ever, but yes, I remember exactly who had suffered at my hands before. 

In fact, till now, there are still a few of such debts I have yet to repay. 


Enlightenment
As I grew older, though, I became somewhat wiser? More enlightened? 

I found it easier to let go of things. Yes, certain wrongs had to be avenged, but was I supposed to be the one to award penalties? 

I made mistakes; and people forgave me. 

I read more on religious teachings and philosophies on Forgiveness. It is an act, a decision; it comes as naturally as breathing, eating and sleeping. I no longer found the energy to want to bother hurting those who hurt me. My favorite writer says:

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” 
― Oscar Wilde

Yes, you may think that the foes or harm-inflicters will laugh at your weakness, laugh that you do not have the ability to pay them back for what they did to you, laugh at your weakness. But I have learned that the best form of revenge is not for me to exact. What I can do within my powers, is to plot and implement petty schemes that will cause someone to suffer, yes, but only temporarily. It is still a very humane level, whether they suffer physically, financially, emotionally or mentally. 

Even if a staged accident caused them to lose their limbs for good, the pain inflicted upon them does not, and will  not undo the evil deed they did unto me previously. It is a totally unrelated issue, and justice is still not mine.

Instead, I have learned that every pain, loss or incident that I suffer for, I have also indirectly contributed to it. Yes, shocking, but I hear myself say that. Whether it is greed, blindness, folly, complacency or otherwise, we all are victims of crimes, deceits and sufferings through our own indirect acts too. There must have been loopholes the harm-bringers have seen within us, for them to be able to tear us apart or rob us or exploit us - so who should we blame first and foremost? Ourselves. 

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” 
― Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

Can we forgive them, then? Can we let go? If we cannot, it means we cannot forgive ourselves too, for the indirect contribution to our own downfall or suffering. If we cannot even forgive ourselves, how can we ever move on and attain the happiness and fresh start we deserve? 

By harboring the pain and resentment and hatred within ourselves, it makes us very bitter and ugly persons. We may smile, but deep down we are nothing but walking icicles of evil, constantly waiting for opportunities for us to exact revenge. We may thrive, but are we really living? All the energies and efforts wasted on plotting revenge, worrying about whether it would work, worrying if the harm-bringer will really suffer / did really suffer from our acts, and worrying about getting caught eventually - they could definitely be put to better use to sow good seeds for ourselves and to attain higher goals.

Also, by obsessing over a past painful experience, it does not bid well for our emotional and mental well-being too. We keep re-living the pain in our memories, even though whatever happened was already in the past. We continue to suffer when we could've moved on. Too much negative thoughts will lead to us falling ill eventually. It is a form of stress, as well. 

Conclusion

“True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience.” 
― Oprah Winfrey

Let go, or rather, live and let live. 

Every bad experience is an experience. It in turn makes us stronger, wiser, more mature, and even more sophisticated in the way we view, handle and think about things.

Thinking back, if I never underwent those bad experiences before, I would never have had the chance to test my own strength, realize how independent and rational I could truly be, and worst of all, never be able to realize who my friends truly are.

The passing of my father has also taught me further, that I should forgive. Sometimes when we don't, it becomes a lifetime regret, and we may never get the chance to do it again. Pertaining to this, a very good friend, John Thor Guilfoyle (who is also an artiste), told me this before, "Forgiving others is not about reducing the other party's pain; it is about relieving our own pain." How apt this sentence is!

Which is why I could forgive the con artist who caused me to lose a good career. Which is why I could forgive the others who caused, or tried to cause other kind of pain. It does not mean I no longer have the power to punish them if I still wanted to, but the winning point here is, I no longer wish to do it. Justice is mine, but vengeance is not mine to exact.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections

Last but not least, remember, "What goes around comes around" and we all reap what we sow. 

For those who believe in religions, do believe that every act done is being watched and noted by the higher entities you worship. 

For those who do not believe in religion, do believe, too, that every negative thoughtform is an energy. Sending them out into the universe, well, this energy would eventually be redirected back to us. 

We may have been victims of deceit or harm, but it is a divine act to forgive. No point inflicting negative vibes on our own lives further because of the negative acts of others. Karma exists, and we shall leave things in Her good hands....


So yes, to Forgiveness... *clink glasses with me*