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Thursday, 16 June 2016

The Nuptial Series [Special Edition II] - Life After Marriage

All right, back by request, the final, grand finale of the Nuptial Series [Special Edition II] (you may want to read about the first Special Edition entry here), sharing the great differences of life after marriage, in both thoughts and actual acts.

Well, having been together for close to a decade, with the weekend stay-overs and overseas trips together, I had thought that it shouldn't be that much different after marriage. But I was wrong, so here's the SIX changes that took place (or took over my life) with the onset of this ceremony called "Marriage".

It was never easy to refer to him as "my husband" and his mother as "Mommy", having termed him as "the boyfriend" and she as "Auntie" all these years. Suddenly, after one day - after serving that magical cup of tea, after accepting the wedding gift, after signing on the papers - I had to suddenly remember to introduce him as "my husband" and greet his mother as "Mommy".  No, it was never easy, and Gawd knows how many times I embarrassed myself by addressing them wrongly, in the beginning stage!

In the past, major plans for us meant "where to go for next holiday?"  But now, things are different. Joint accounts are set up, we own certain things together now, and make plans to own more. Plans now mean "which property to buy" and then, the scariest of all questions - "are we having kids?". I don't know, but they sound massive (especially the latter one), but breathe, what is meant to be, will be.  

If I couldn't understand why my Mommy used to nag at me for leaving wet towels around, or not responding to her calls for dinner, I now do - completely! It gets on my nerves when things at (our) home aren't placed the way I intended them, or when I have to remind and remind before he sits down to eat were-hot meals. Similarly, if I used to leave accessories and cosmetics lying around different vanity and table tops, I can no longer do that now because it gets on his nerves, which brings me to the next point.

It used to be easier, living on my own. Coming home meant whatever time I was comfortable with, but these days, it meant remembering to be home so we can spend some time together before drifting off to lala-land. Shopping meant lots of clothes, accessories, CDs and whatever personal items that caught my fancy - but these days, I found myself shopping for homely items such as glasses, bed-sheets and oh my gawd - Rainbow vacuum machine!  What have I morphed into?

Bedtime routine has changed too. In the past, the usual after-dinner routine comprised doing some work stuff, watching a movie or doing some writing before light nighttime exercise, shower, beauty regime and meditation before bed. These nights, some of the steps have to be re-arranged so that we get to spend some quality time together, and my meditation music doesn't wake him in the middle of the night, and oh yes - no snoozing of the morning alarms.

If I had thought it was busy enough managing time between my immediate family, friends, maternal relations and paternal kin in the past - try doubling it for size. Being married, I get to enjoy extended arms of love and support from his side of the family, relations and most friends - and also more presents during occasions - but remember, everything is reciprocal. It basically means that time has to be further stretched so that we also get to spend time together with each other's families and friends now, after all - they are also our families and friends too

Yes, we are each other's responsibilities now - no longer our parents', no longer our own's. Whatever I want to do, or buy, or sign on, or agree to, I need to remember that I am half of a whole now, and whatever I do now impact my newly-acquired spouse.  When he is not feeling well, it means more gestures of care from me; when I make plans, I ought to check if he has anything on so that I can go meet my friends as well.

Well, here goes, life as Mrs. So-and-So.   It is a stage of life and one that we grow through, grow into, and literally grow as time continues to lead us into another brand new day.  There are certainly a lot more to marital harmony than what is portrayed or thought, but like anything else, it takes efforts, as well as two hands to clap, in order to make this union work.   There are bickers along the way, forgotten promises and worrying moments - but I choose to count every little blessing and take this as a journey of willpower, to make this marriage work. 

With that, I leave you with the passage I recited for our Hand-Fasting ceremony, during the solemnization procedure.  Feel free to adapt and adopt it, and let the blessings be with you always. If you are planning for your wedding too - I thank you for reading my Blog, and wish you eternal Bliss.

"For always you hold in your own hands the fate of this union. Above you are stars and below you is earth. Like stars your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow. May these hands be blessed this day. May they always hold each other. May they have the strength to hang on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May they build a relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. May these hands be healer, protector, shelter, and guide for each other."

Now that we've come to the very end of The Nuptial Series, do keep a lookout for the Honeymoon Series, upcoming next - detailing our planning and selection of destinations, as well as the tour itself.  

Other Posts in The Nuptial Series
Part (i)  - The Proposal
Part (ii) - Solemnisation procedure
Part (iii) - Solemnisation venues
Part (iv) - Finding the right photography studios
Part (v) -  Hunting for the suits and gowns
Part (vi) - Bespoke (tailored gown) - Review on Kelly's Bridal
Part (vii) - Pre-wedding photoshoot in Vancouver, Canada
Part (viii) - Pre-wedding photoshoot in Singapore - Loov Production
Part (xii) - Decorating the Wedding Banquet Ballrooms
Part (xiii) - Guest Lists and Inviting the Guests
Part (xiv) - Dowry and Demands Discussion
Part (xv) - Food Tasting for Banquet Dinner Menu
Part (xvi) - Meeting the Solemniser
Part (xvii) - Shopping for the Bridal Shoes 
Part (xviii) - Other Background Preparation
Part (xix) -  Shopping for Wedding Bands
Part (xx) - Wedding Gown Fitting @ French Wedding
Part (xxi) - Bridesmaids aka "Sisters"
Part (xxii) - Guo Da Li aka Gifts Exchange Ceremony
Part (xxiii) - The Big Day (Grand Finale)

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