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Monday, 23 December 2013

Handling Negative People

Negative People In a Nutshell
I had the unpleasant misfortune of coming across one of the more negative people today - and now understand what my boss meant when I was being cautioned to "Just hear, don't listen" when negative vibes are being spread - a very common trait among the sales industry.

Who are these people generally?

People who are constantly never happy, always complaining, always blaming circumstances for their unhappiness, and always trying to spread their bad vibes around.

Do you have colleagues who complain about everything - from being bored to being stressed out / overloaded by work, to hating the company's policy, hating the early MRT jam, hating the cafeteria's food, hating nearly everyone in the department? They threaten to quit, yet they have been whining about quitting for the past five years, and will continue to do so for the next five?

Or how about, in a sales-related environment...  You are all geared up at the start of the new trade show, and then the Negative One shows up, telling you how down they feel, how lousy this tradeshow is, that no one would be able to clinch any deals at these road shows, that you are all wasting precious time attending this event, and how tired he is here? "You see, this kind of environment, how to close case? I feel so sian (dialect for "bored") lor!"

Then when you, or someone else closes the deal, he would come over and, "How? Oh lucky only lah... " or "Oh did he make payment? Later sure change his mind and cancel one!"

Or a girlfriend who asks for relationship advice, and when rendered, keeps going like,"Oh, but I don't think will work out leh..." or "Huh, I'm scared wait I try and fail, then how? How?"

Negative people exist anywhere, anytime, sadly. They could be complaining about everything in a restaurant, in a country when holidaying, about everyone; they feel jealous at the succes of others' , and tend to demotivate rather than encourage.

Ring a bell?

And no, they're not to be confused with worrywarts - the worrywarts are merely overly anxious, wanting to be well-prepared for everything - whereas negative people believe all things will not go right naturally, with or without trying at all.

Dealing with Negative People
(i) Walking Away
If possible, yes, simply avoid these friends or colleagues who are always emitting negative vibes - they're like the haze, polluting your mental health and hurting your own confidence eventually. You do not need someone to keep putting you down or dulling your days when the sun is shining overhead. You do not need to hear negative words all the time and let your own emotions take a dip, thus affecting your own performance or mood. They are not worth your time if they always try to exact negative influence - so, keep your distance.

"You cannot expect to live a positive live if you hang out with negative people!"
- Joel Osteen

(ii) Practice Selective Hearing
You might be amazed, but our minds are great filters of negative energies if we allow them to come into play. Choose what you want to hear, toss out the negative words. Laugh at the awful-sounding, cutting remarks, because while someone else is living their own nightmares, does not mean they have the right to make you give up your own dreams.

So,  cultivate the talent to listen to only selective words; let the negative phrases be sieved away. It is not difficult - be amused at their whining or complaints, but remember you are stronger than that, than them. What put them down or demotivates others, should not be what keeps you from being motivated. Listen to the nice words, the lighter topics and reply in kind; ignore the negative remarks or gently steer the topics away.

"There's so much negativity in the world and what you only need to hear is all the love."
- Miley Cyrus.

(iii) Coach, Convert or Counsel
If you care enough about that person, and believe that him ./ her is susceptible to good changes, able to be turned around, then feel free to convert or coach them into adopting more positive mindsets. Yes, instead of being influenced, you can also be the influencer and steer them back into the light.

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
- Willie Nelson

Talk to them, teach them how to be more positive and look at things from another perspective. Share your positive vibes with them, and get them some self-help books on becoming positive if need be. Encourage them constantly, and steer them away from negative thoughts or topics.  Whenever they start whining again, remind them of their previous success or other blessings they have received. Teach them how to see the good sight of every situation and make use of it to move forward, not backward.

"Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation."
- Michael Jordan.

If they're unconvertible or simply too negative to direct back into the lighter, positive thoughts, have them seek professional help.

Either that, or, just walk away.

"Nobody can ever say that being negative ever helped them at all - not in any way."
Joyce Meyer.

Remember, stay in the light, let positivity fill you. Lastly, I end this passage with quotes from two famous people:

"Delete the negative, accentuate the positive!"
- Donna Karan

"The most positive men are the most credulous."
- Alexander Pope

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